babies were throwing up all over the place
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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