I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
