I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
