we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
