shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
