Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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