Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
porn star boner night. come get it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
