I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
