I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
