exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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