his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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