It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
