so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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