I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
