**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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