I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
