WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
