My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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