I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't just leave with hair like that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
