I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
