Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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