Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
