my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
