How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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