im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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