i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
