So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
