What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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