if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
