I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
