Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
