He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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