allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's rum buckets o'clock
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
