I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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