Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
