Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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