woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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