There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
