i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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