were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
