Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
