Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
