I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
