I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
