Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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