is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
