No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
