you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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