The maid of honor just puked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
