i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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