Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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