Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
