Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
