he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
