a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
