I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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