I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
