we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
