Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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