im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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