When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
