My pussy is not your playground.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
