i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize