and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
