tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
