You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
