All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
