im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
