Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
