we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
