Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
