Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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