My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
