somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
