I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
