Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
