so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just google imaged poop.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
