ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
